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Conflict Resolution

There are some key steps highlighted in research about conflict resolution. These are clearly outlined on the Conflict Resolution Network web page, http://www.crnhq.org/twelveskills.html. Using the steps successfully usually requires a change of mindset from thinking about who is right or wrong, to working on solutions that can work in the interests of all parties. They focus on who needs what and how these needs can be accommodated in the most appropriately negotiated way. Often people will compromise around their needs if they see that the process of negotiating outcomes is a fair one.

Sometimes people can also live with outcomes that are not equitable - as long as their position and feelings have been acknowledged. It is for this reason that listening to and respecting people's stories without judgment is an important part of the conflict resolution process. The significance of being 'heard' in this way has been documented in several countries, including Australia, during reconciliation processes with Indigenous peoples.

Colman McCarthy's work
In Teaching Peace - A Guide for the Classroom and Everyday Life (2003), Leah Wells uses work by Colman McCarthy to bring Gandhi's principles of non-violent solutions into consideration for people today. Interestingly, these principles connect very closely with contemporary writing about conflict resolution in Western society.

Colman expounds on Gandhi's nine steps as follows.

1. Define the conflict. What is it that you are actually fighting over? Why is it important to state what the disagreement is about? What troubles can people get into when they are fighting about different things? Can one person believe the argument is over one issue and the other person believe the argument is about a completely different issue?

2. Work on what's doable. It is better to have a small success than a large failure. When you work on what you can actually do and accomplish, the tangible goals of resolving the conflict seem more real and viable.

3. Resolve the dispute in a neutral place. Do you want to settle the conflict in the cafeteria at lunchtime? Should you settle the conflict in the faculty lounge in front of everyone? It is important that both people feel that they are on common ground and that one does not have advantage over the other. Colman reminds his students that even war treaties are not signed on the battlefield but rather at a distant, neutral place. Emotions run too high and cloud clear thinking.

4. Don't ask what happened. Ask instead 'What did you do?' Asking what happened elicits emotions and promotes blame. Asking 'what did you do?' encourages the person to use 'I' messages and focus on the facts of the situation.

5. List the shared elements of the relationship versus the one unshared separation. The goal of doing this is to get both parties to see that their similarities outweigh their differences. People who are in the midst of a disagreement still have common ground. We all have the need for love, acceptance, understanding, belonging and attention. These are good places to start when there are many hurt feelings or when the conflict is particularly heated.

6. It's not you versus me but you and me versus our problem. Conflicts are set up to be oppositional where one person is bad and the other good, one the victimiser and one the victim, one the evildoer and one the innocent. Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote that 'the line between good and evil runs through every human heart'. Colman says 'you're not the problem, and I'm not the problem but rather the problem is the problem'. We have to work together on solving our shared conflict and work at not demonising the other person but acknowledging their humanity and core value.

7. Work on your forgiveness skills. Colman says that of the nine steps, this one is probably the hardest. Forgiving someone is so difficult because a wrong done is like toothpaste out of the tube - you can't put it back in. Dr Martin Luther King's wisdom on forgiveness is important as well. He says that true forgiveness means that the evil act no longer stands as a barrier to the relationship, and that we must separate the evil from the evildoer.

8. Work on your listening skills. Colman also says that a good listener has many friends whereas a poor listener has many acquaintances. I ask my students if they ever find themselves planning their retort or reply as they are 'listening' to the other person. True listening means that you are hearing the words, the underlying messages, the heart messages and the intentions of the person and truly attempting to grasp what they are relating.

9. Purify your heart. One of my favorite things to ask my students is how they do this. Some say that they play sports, meditate, pray, sleep, hike, write in a journal or talk with friends. Many report that being close to nature makes them feel purified.

CEO Online Australia
http://www.ceoonline.com.au
This site has an interesting focus on managing conflict from the perspective of management. They claim that:

It's all a matter of whether you work with turtles, sharks, teddy bears, foxes or owls! Why is it important to be able to identify the different personality styles in your workplace, or for that matter, your own? Identifying the turtles, sharks, teddy bears, foxes or owls in your business puts you in a better position to make positive use of individual personalities and turn workplace conflict around.

They argue that recognising workplace styles and responses to conflict can help in utilising strengths of individuals. Here are their descriptors:

The turtle
When a person recognises that a conflict exists but reacts by withdrawing or suppressing the conflict they are acting like a turtle.

  • Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts.
  • They give up their personal goals and relationships.
  • They stray away from the issues over which the conflict is taking place and from the people with whom they are in conflict.
  • They believe it is hopeless to try to resolve conflicts.
  • They feel helpless. They believe it is easier to withdraw physically and psychologically from a conflict than to face it.

This type of behaviour is appropriate when:

  • an issue is trivial, or more important issues are pressing
  • one perceives there is no chance of satisfying their concerns
  • potential disruption outweighs the benefits of resolution
  • others can resolve the conflict more effectively
  • issues seem symptomatic of other issues.

The shark
When a person seeks to achieve his/her goals or further his/her interests, regardless of the impact on the other party, they are acting like a shark.

  • Sharks try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solution to the conflict.
  • Their goals are highly important to them and the relationship of minor importance. They seek to achieve their goals at all costs. They are not concerned with the needs of other persons and they don't care if other persons like or accept them.
  • Sharks assume that conflicts are settled by one person winning and one person losing. They want to be the winner. Winning gives sharks a sense of pride and achievement. Losing gives them a sense of weakness, inadequacy and failure. They try to win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming and intimidating others.

This type of behaviour is appropriate when:

  • quick, decisive action is vital
  • there are important issues where unpopular actions need implementing
  • there are issues vital to the organisation's welfare, and when the person knows that he/she is right
  • the person is up against a person/people who take advantage of non-competitive behaviour.

The teddy bear
When the parties seek to appease their opponent by placing their opponent's interest ahead of their own, they are acting like a teddy bear.

  • Teddy bears feel the relationship is of great importance while their own goals are of little importance.
  • They want to be accepted and liked by other people.
  • They think that conflict should be avoided in favour of harmony and believe that conflicts cannot be discussed without damaging relationships.
  • They are afraid that if the conflict continues someone will get hurt and that would ruin the relationship.
  • They will give up their goals to preserve the relationship.

This type of behaviour is appropriate when:

  • issues are more important to others than yourself
  • there is a need to build social credits for later issues
  • there is a need to minimise loss when you are outmatched and losing
  • harmony and stability are especially important
  • there is a need to allow subordinates to develop by learning from their mistakes.

The fox
When each party gives up something in order to reach a compromised outcome, they are acting like a fox.

  • Foxes seek a compromise. They are willing to sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to find agreement for the common good.
  • To do this, they need to persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of their goals.
  • They seek a solution to conflicts where both sides gain something, the middle ground between two extreme positions.

This type of behaviour is appropriate when:

  • goals are important, but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive modes
  • opponents with equal power are committed to mutually exclusive objectives or issues
  • there is a need to achieve temporary settlements to complex issues
  • there is a need to arrive at expedient solutions under time pressure
  • it can be used as a back-up when collaboration or competition is unsuccessful.

The owl
When each of the parties in conflict searches for a mutually satisfying outcome, they are acting like an owl.

  • Owls highly value their own goals and relationships.
  • They view conflicts as problems to be solved and seek a solution that achieves both their own goals and the goals of the other person in conflict.
  • They see conflicts as improving relationships by reducing tension between two people. They try to begin a discussion that identifies the conflict as a problem.
  • They maintain the relationship by seeking solutions that satisfy both themselves and the other person.
  • They are not satisfied until a solution is found that achieves their own goals and the other person's goals and are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have been resolved.

This type of behaviour is appropriate when:

  • there is a need to find an integrative solution when both sets of concerns are too important to be compromised
  • the objective is to learn
  • there is a need to merge insights from people with different perspectives
  • there is a need to gain commitment by incorporating concerns into a consensus
  • there is a need to work through feelings that have interfered with a relationship.

Reprinted with permission of leading business advisory group, Australian Business Limited. For more information about this article or Australian Business Limited, its products, services and membership, please call 13 26 96.

Conflict Resolution in Schools
Conflict Resolution in Schools is a useful resource with some key points, discussion diagrams and sample case studies.

The purpose of this guide is to encourage and help schools to achieve cooperative and supportive working relationships between staff, students and parents. It describes a positive problem-solving process - mediation - which when utilised by schools leads to less conflict and better outcomes for all involved. The Guide should be a useful resource for staff, students and parents, providing examples of mediation applied to student-student, parent-parent, teacher-teacher, parent-school, teacher-student, and teacher-administration disputes.

The Guide (which can be printed as a brochure) outlines some basic steps in mediation and outlines a whole school approach to mediation's role in the management of conflict.

Their whole school approach to conflict suggests the following.

  1. The school would have clear conflict management policies and procedures. These would be integrated with school policy areas such as equal opportunity, anti-harassment/bullying, and welfare and discipline policies.
  2. The school administration would model effective management of conflict.
  3. Staff would model positive, cooperative and collaborative relationships.
  4. Staff would use cooperative processes in the classroom.
  5. Training in conflict management skills would be included in the curriculum.
  6. All staff would receive professional development in conflict management.
  7. The school would engage in partnership with local community organisations and groups to develop approaches to the prevention of conflict.

Reproduced with the permission of the Victorian Association for Dispute Resolution Inc (VADR). Phone 1300 305 806